Overwhelming thoughts....
Friday, April 29, 2005
Today in class, Mr. Nathan had a discussion about our belief in the primary existence in God. A small number of my classmates rejected the idea of God over fear of conflicting religious ideology and even for the most fundamental reason: there is no purpose. Im not a Christian, yet I believe there is a God. My only difference is that: I have stronger faith in Buddha. I believe that praying to Buddha doesnt necessarily solve every single predicament that Im in. Nonetheless, praying to him is just my way of soothing my emotions and agitation. Relaxation of the mind can sometimes be only achieved through mediation and constant prayers. Being a work-orientated person, I am aware that I give myself unnecessary stress. Even so, I welcome stress (though not always). Stress just imparts me with the motivation to work harder.
Sometimes, there is just too much pressure and strain on me that I need to discharge. At times, I just need an outlet to vent my frustration and in the process, I hurt the feelings of others around me. However, I learnt from my father that anger may not necessarily be let on the loose; instead it can be demolished through tranquility. Whenever my father sends me to school, I will never fail to listen to the Buddhist songs playing in the car. Initially, I would take out my Discman and enjoy the pop music that I love. However, as JC life progresses and my life become more nerve-racking and taxing, I realize the importance of such prayer songs. From then on, my Discman remains embedded in my bag every morning.
I admit I wasnt the happiest person in class early this year, but I have changed. Not much, but definitely towards a more positive perspective. Im learning to accept friendships that I previously abandoned. Im learning to just let go of the past and instead pay more attention to the process of the future.
The end of April has marked the start of summer and an introduction to blazing weather and scorching sun. However, in my opinion, it has marked the opening of a new attitude and the closure towards the gate of bitterness and animosity.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
1:48 am
